Through the stories of kids and parents in the middle school trenches a New York Times
bestselling author reveals why these years are so painful how parents unwittingly make them
worse and what we all need to do to grow up. As the parent of a middle schooler I felt as if
Judith Warner had peered into my life and the lives of many of my patients. This is a gift to
our kids and their future selves. Lori Gottlieb author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone The
French have a name for the uniquely hellish years between elementary school and high school: l
âge ingrat or the ugly age. Characterized by a perfect storm of developmental changes physical
psychological and social the middle school years are a time of great distress for children and
parents alike marked by hurt isolation exclusion competition anxiety and often outright
cruelty. Some of this is inevitable there are intrinsic challenges to early adolescence. But
these years are harder than they need to be and Judith Warner believes that adults are
complicit. With deep insight and compassion Warner walks us through a new understanding of the
role that middle school plays in all our lives. She argues that today s helicopter parents are
overly concerned with status and achievement in some ways a residual effect of their own middle
school experiences and that this worsens the self-consciousness self-absorption and social
sorting so typical of early adolescence. Tracing a century of research on middle childhood and
bringing together the voices of social scientists psychologists educators and parents
Warner s book shows how adults can be moral role models for children making them more
empathetic caring and resilient. She encourages us to start treating middle schoolers as the
complex people they are holding them to high standards of kindness and helping them see one
another as more than jocks and mean girls nerds and sluts. Part cultural critique and part
call to action this essential book unpacks one of life s most formative periods and shows how
we can help our children not only survive it but thrive.
