People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that
primarily affects their intimate personal and family relationships. Often they appear to be
normally functioning at work and in public interactions and Narcissists may even be highly
effective in the short term in some work or social situations. However in intimate
relationships they can be emotional aggressive demeaning illogical paranoid accusing and
controlling-in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly
change in an instant like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don't happen once in a
while they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often and
especially with their Caretaker family member. Here Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get
into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist and how they can get out. Caretakers
give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to
be. This compromises the Caretaker's self-esteem distorts their thinking processes and locks
them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks
at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker's how to
move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier more productive and
positive lifestyle-with or without the Borderline Narcissistic partner or family member. It
describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how
to take new more effective actions to focus on personal wants needs and life goals while
allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic yet
compassionate attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships and gives
real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative
and effective solutions.
